Friends. With benefits?
Though I've not really written much about it, in the past 9 months or so I've been pretty actively meeting and dating probably a dozen or so men, and though I'm not ready to talk about it at length (except to say that for now I'm giving up on it as too difficult and emotionally exhausting), there is one thing that's come from it that has made me think.
About a month ago, I went out with one of the people I met at an online dating site, and though we had a very memorable evening of great food sitting outdoors under the stars, I knew that, at least from a dating standpoint that we really didn't have a future. We're quite different in important areas, and I didn't have that feeling of being kindred spirits. And yet, unlike so many of the guys I met and went out with in the past, he didn't do the "disappearing act" I've become so accustomed to in dating, and we kept seeing each other. We still are, on a weekly basis, going out for dinner, or having movie night at my place, even though we both have agreed that we're friends only.
Well, perhaps not friends only, but more like friends with benefits. And no, not quite the benefits usually associated with the phrase. You see, my friend Lee (yes, his name is the same as mine, and he's also left handed as I am) likes to problem solve, and because of his intervention I'm now hopefully going to be able to participate in a clinical trial for a new treatment for rheumatoid arthritis. There are many other areas he's been active and helpful in my life. My arthritis and knee pain has gotten more severe, and whenever I need to get out I need to rely on a little scooter I got at Thanksgiving, but unfortunately I'm unable to lift it myself, so whenever we go out, he will take care of setting up the scooter. This gives me new freedom because I don't have to ask for help, something I abhor doing.
Another benefit has been the fact that I have someone I can cuddle on the couch with, someone I can be affectionate with, and, though it might seem strange in a friendship, this is such a nice thing for me. I realise that there will likely be a time where one of us (him most likely) meets potential mate material and this friendship will change. But, at least for the time being, I'm enjoying this, and feeling in some sense satisfied. I love having a man to go out to dinner with, or to make dinner together with. This is what would be called companionship I guess, and though it's not at all what I was looking for, it is enough for now. It's safe, and my emotions aren't overly involved, so it's basically stress free. Seems like a win/win situation from my perspective. Comments are welcome though...
Comments
You may also find, over time, that what doesn't feel like a partnership with a long term future right now, becomes just that over time.
Not only do relationships change, so too do your ideas about what you actually want from one!
However it turns out, I can't see any down sides to enjoying what you have right now, especially as you've both talked it through and understand what it is and isn't to both of you.
Companionship and support really are the most important things in my opinion, regardless of what other aspects any individual relationship or friendship might offer.
I hope you'll continue to enjoy it for a long time to come, whether the status quo remains the same or develops in other directions.
I actually knew my wife for over a year before we ever dated.